Reading and I go a long way back. Our shared past makes it impossible for me to eliminate what once was such an integral part of my life, however, whether I may want to accept it or live in denial, but the fact remains that things have changed. The child in me who would skip sleep just to complete the book in her hands seems to have been lost somewhere. Reading does not enthuse me the same as it did before, and it is heartbreaking. All my life the one thing that I identified myself with was my habit and passion for reading, and losing the only spark that I had within me came as a terrifying loss. Or did it?
Literature was my safe haven. As a child, I would scour and devour books at an alarmingly high rate and would never tire. When the rest of my friends wanted fancy toys and sets to play with I would scowl over my parents taking away a book from my hands. Undoubtedly, on a spectrum of “cool” to “boring”, I could have qualified to be the most boring of boring. But, I never did mind that.
The stories I read sheltered me from the world outside. With my books, I could live in my bubble for as long as I wanted to and experience all sorts of incredible fantasies. The scones and peaches that the Famous Five had for picnics were devoured by me too. I too explored the hidden dungeons beneath the castle that were shielded from all. I identified or rather wanted to identify myself more with the St. Clare’s that Enid Blyton created rather than the one I sat in while reading that book. The midnight feasts that the girls had, the weekly trips to the city, their game of lacrosse and their dormitories would make me swoon, and I would go on hopping from one book to another to find out what happened next.
Looking back at the child that I once was it still bothers me for I know not how what once was my identity faded out so suddenly. Did I never notice it or was I too tired to make an effort to rekindle it? I never intended for it to happen and am trying to get back to my roots. But it is not so easy. Maybe making my happy place as my profession was not the best choice, but who knows? Maybe that child just went on an adventure with ‘Swami and Friends’ and will return soon. Till then I’ll wait it out and do my best in luring that child back on track with many more interesting reads.