An Open Letter
I don’t know, how to begin with this letter. I have a lot to say, but its also everything I do not want to talk about. This is an Open Letter to you.
It has been a while (well, more than that) and I have been trying to convince myself that you would have talked to me by now if you wanted to.
I knew things were different when my Snapchats to you started going unanswered, when our weekly Skype calls shifted to a monthly affair, until they completely stopped. And when I saw you tag all your new friends on relatable posts on various social networking platforms where you used to earlier mention my name.
These may not seem like a lot, but they were enough to tell me what was to approach soon after.
As informed as I was, it would be wrong to say that I was prepared.
As I grew closer to the voice on your mail-box, the distance between us grew. My calls were automatically forwarded to your mail-box and never returned, and on the rare occasions when you did answer them, I could sense the aloofness in your voice. You were suddenly busy- you always had a presentation to work on, some college event to attend. Some times a friend needed you, and at others, you were with a friend.
The network connectivity suddenly worsened on your phone – ‘The number you’re dialling is currently not-reachable. Please try again, later’.
But you were way beyond my reach now.
Sometimes people move apart-without a reason, without a conversation. And there is nothing we can do about it.
But breakups in friendship hurt more than anything else in the world. We had had ample discussions about this, and you had overruled every possibility of it ever happening to us. So then what happened?
I guess we grew up, and life happened to us.
You may love me. You probably do. So, You probably think about me, too. When you sneak out at night to your terrace, thinking about every time we did that together. And every time you go to that coffee place we used to frequent.
But that isn’t what matters.
What matters is what you’re doing about it. And what you’re doing about it is nothing. God knows I have tried to cross this distance, but if you’re doing nothing, I most certainly shouldn’t do anything either. Relationships work when two people invest time, emotion and effort into each other. If I’m the only person still here, how will this ever work.
I sometimes wonder how you are, and contemplate if I should text you or not. There have been times when I typed a message on Whatsapp too. But then, there already are countless messages that are yet to be answered. So, I decided against adding another one to the list.
I wonder about your family, your friends and your love life. I wonder if you still dread that professor from II year of college and if you still feed biscuits to that stray dog at your college campus. So, I wonder about every thing from your everyday life- things I used to know on a daily basis.
You still are starred in my Facebook account. Sometimes I open your Instagram account, gaping at all your new pictures. This new hairstyle suits you- you had always wanted to dye them red. I look at all your check-ins and smile thinking how you’re ticking things off our bucket-list. It hurts not to be doing them together as planned.
But I hope these experiences are turning you into the wonderful, smart and mature woman you were always meant to be. I wish we could have grown together, but life doesn’t always turn out how we plan.
On some nights when life hits me hard and I can’t fall asleep, I feel like calling you at 2 am just like the old times. But I no longer know if you would answer; and even if you did, would you still be interested to patiently hear my stories like you did before.
Maybe my mind knows you won’t, but my heart still isn’t ready to face this side of us.
So instead I sit and wonder what went wrong between us and why you would not even consider it important to tell me about it.
Countless nights have turned to mornings, and I have still not figured that one out yet.
I guess they are right when they say ‘change is inevitable’. Irrespective of how good or bad it is, it is the only thing I am sure about now.
But I have no qualms in my heart, to say the least. I still wish you well. And if probably I ever see you, I would want to run to you and give you one of those hugs you give to a long lost friend. Because that is what you will always be to me.
But probably, I won’t.
-The one you left behind