Time never stopped moving; she just lost count. She chose to.
How long had it been since that one, completely ordinary September day? Days had passed, maybe months. Or had it been years? Not that she remembered; not like she wanted to.
I vaguely remember reading once that the Japanese believe we have three faces; the first face that we show to the world, the second that we reveal to our closest friends and family. And then the third face which we never reveal to anyone; the purest reflection of who we are.
I am not a face reader, but its not really complicated to seize when the eyes are bluffing. She was the most cheerful person I ever imagined having in my life, spreading joy, distributing hope like confetti all around. Her face carried the prettiest smile 24*7 but her eyes said otherwise.
Her eyes were blank.
Her eyes were dead.
The calendar now fluttered against the early winds of approaching September. Winter was on its way. But it didn’t bother her. She was accustomed to the ‘cold’ now.
So as she sat right where she always used to, a thought crossed her mind… Would she ever forget him? Would she want to?
No, she would not and she wouldn’t want to either.
She would always remember the sleepless nights spent at their terrace together, all those times when he sat right there patiently listening to her talk to her heart’s content, the anger, the joy, the happiness, the tears… she would want to.
He would always be someone she shared not just her life, but herself with. Someone she knew her fears will be safe with. Someone who cared selflessly. Someone who promised to take care of her, forever.
How long is this forever? Sometimes it lasts only a minute, and sometimes even a lifetime falls short.
Forever ended a long time ago. And he wasn’t here anymore.
So today she sat wondering if she had forgiven him.
She didn’t have to. He was a part of her…she could never dislike him. No matter what he was, what he is or what he would be, he would still be the reason of her occasional smiles, and the recurrent not-so-happy tears, when she would think of their time together.
She learnt with him, grew up with him. They had seen each other change. She would always remember him as someone who had taught her how much she could love. Someone who had been with her through the best and the worst.
Someone who was family…
Someone whose absence hurts…
I would be lying if I said I didn’t see her cry. Random moments caught hold of her and she spent hours crying at odd times in the night, rethinking what went wrong, where she faltered, where she lost…
How could it all happen? How could it all end within moments?
Even after all this while, his absence hurts. Though its just him who is gone and everything else is the same. But this ‘everything else’ means nothing to her now.
Life isn’t a fairy tale and not all stories have a happy ending; she learnt it the hard way. I can tell she thinks that probably to love with all your heart is not all that a great experience. Love now seems like a distant memory and she has convinced herself, it isn’t for her.
He was a 31-days old, tiny Labrador pup when she had brought him home. Oscar was no less than a human baby; he was cared for, loved and pampered. You could see it in her eyes; she lived with him, for him.
Oscar was home…
Its funny how we chase people all our lives, altering ourselves to make them love us. In an attempt to get a particular somebody’s attention, we change who we are completely. But to her, love had a different meaning. Oscar’s love was matchless.
For her, love is a wagging tail and a selfless heart. Love is Oscar.