It’s sacrificing your own happiness, even when you know you don’t have to. This is how it feels to be in an abusive relationship.
It’s listening to them rant about their problems and carrying them on top of your own.
It’s knowing that you are hurting yourself, and still not stopping. This won’t end well, you remind yourself. Does it ever?
It’s letting them talk you down but still not starting an argument. They don’t mean it.
It’s the occasionally mixed signals that keep you holding onto them or the idea of them.
Being afraid to walk out because you know they won’t chase after you.
It’s waiting for a call or a text that never comes because everything is more important than you.
Wishing you could text them 24/7 but not because you can’t be ‘interfering’.
It’s wanting to talk to them about all that is wrong but restricting yourself looking at the bruise on your left shoulder from last night.
It’s having something heavy on your mind but not opening up to them.They do not care about your worries.
All the conversations that never happen; that eat you until you are nothing short of a breathing corpse.
Never tell them how you feel, and when all is said and done, wondering if it would have made a difference.
It’s doing them endless favors as part of your duty but never received any thank you’s. It’s having them overlook the things you’ve done for them so they can complain about the small things you did/didn’t do.
Walking into the room but never getting an acknowledgment.
It’s being right next to them physically, but 5,000 miles away emotionally.
It’s wanting to cuddle with them at night, but spending most of it in coitus.
Don’t confuse this with pleasure, it’s just for procreation.
And on some nights lying back to back or 10 inches apart; hearing them sleep peacefully as you lie awake and wonder –
What it feels like to be in an abusive relationship.