“My Boyfriend Is An Addict, And There’s Nothing That I Can Do”

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“It has been three days and we haven’t had even one conversation.”

 

There was silence on the other end of the phone. And it wasn’t the kind you would want in a relationship.

 

Sometimes silence tells you more about a person than words ever can. Sometimes the same silence that was once comforting feels like a burden on your chest – you don’t have the strength to carry it, and you certainly cannot manage to shake it off either.

I know things had changed long before I had even realized.

But it was on this day I realized that I had lost him …

My boyfriend was a manifestation of your typical Bollywood college-sweetheart  – he was tall, with a gracious built. His gummy smile extended all the way up to his topaz eyes and he had the warmest hearts.

Sounds perfect? He is perfect.

 

Was perfect …

 

Me and S (let’s call him that to spare an identity threat) were in the same college. We have been together for almost 3 years now. I’ve seen all his highs and lows. I’ve seen him smile at his victories and cry like a baby to chick-flicks.

 

I’ve seen him at his best.

 

And now, I’m looking at him at his worst …

 S had always been a good student, played football. Swam. And participated in almost all extra-curricular activities at the college.
S had always been a good student, played football. Swam. And participated in almost all extra-curricular activities at the college.
He was adored and respected by all, and had a bright future ahead of him.

Until that one day when it all fell apart.

 

I remember waiting for him outside the college, hoping to surprise him. He was supposed to wrap up football practices and meet me over coffee.

 

There he was; I saw him stepping out of the building with his friends, smiling one of his brightest smiles.

 

And then they halted, pointing to a group of students at the other end of the road. They had huddled around something, like discussing something that was too sensitive to be revealed to people beyond the assembled group. They all looked really happy as they passed something among themselves.

 

I remember S moving towards them.

 

Following an interaction that lasted not more than 10 minutes, I could see S resisting their efforts and eventually giving in. Some boys from the group forced what they were having into S’ mouth.

I felt sick looking at all that was happening, but I was at a distance, alone and weak. I knew I couldn’t have saved him that day even if I tried.

And everything changed from that moment on.

My boyfriend had got into bad company. Needless to say, our meetings diminished, in quantity and quality.

All my questions were answered with a monotonous “I know when to stop”. But I knew his words lacked basis.This wasn’t the first time we was serving them to me after all.

 

If you think you can cure another person’s addiction then let me tell you, you can’t.

 

You think I haven’t tried?

All my friends have advised me to either make him quit, or to leave. I cant deny that it didn’t work temporarily, but if the motivation to quit is not internally motivated, how long do you think this threat could have lasted?

There’s nothing you can do. They have to recognize their dependence and decide against it, in order to come out of it.

The sad part is, my boyfriend doesn’t.
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Image source here.
 I won’t say everything changed overnight. It happened gradually, but at a speed that made it very obvious. Our dates shifted from the CCD at the end of the street to weird back lanes in the middle of practically nowhere. He was mostly with his friends; but even for the limited hours that we spent together, we were always going to the places he wanted to visit, to get his ‘stuff’.

Hauz Khaz. Majnu Ka Tila. Yeti. Cafe Brown Sugar. Dolma Aunty. You name it and we’ve covered it all.

 

S changed in more ways than one. His dressing preferences changed from casual to a more street-inspired style; he changed his haircut and started wearing black studs in one ear. His Nike t-shirts soon gave way to “Revolution” ganjis picked off the streets of Janpath. His friend circle changed, and so did his language- he had now started using fragments of Pahadi dialect in his conversations.

 

Addiction is hard to recognize, because it doesn’t take an obvious route. It gradually creeps it’s way into your life, overpowering your mind.

Soon, S grew distant to the extent that I stopped seeing him. Our only means of contact was through Whatsapp messages and an occasional call. I can safely say this looked like the end of our relationship.

 

Nothing really mattered to him anymore, and he was happier when left alone.

 

It’s been three days now and we haven’t even had a conversation. I have no clue where he is, or who he is with. The college has already ended, and I know he doesn’t have a job.

 

Whatever little money he had, he has spent it all on momos.

Of different flavors, textures, colors, and patterns.

On travelling from one corner of the city to the other, in search of that ‘perfect’ chilli sauce.

On having paneer momos on Tuesdays and Saturdays, and Chicken momos during the rest of the week.

On locating places on some days with the perfect balance of mayonnaise with the spicy red sauce.

My boyfriend is addicted to momos and I do not see a way out.

You have no clue how frustrating it is; momos have replaced me in S’ life. The chilli sauce excites him more than I can. He adores momos, dreams about them, craves them.

My boyfriend loves momos.

 

Recently when a BJP legislator in Jammu and Kashmir, Ramesh Arora announced that he wishes to ban momos as our teenagers are getting addicted to the dumplings like drugs, I swear I had tears in my eyes.

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Image credits – ScoopWoop
“It’s spoiling their health. Momos are a killer, and we cannot allow a killer to grow in a civilised society. Ajinomoto is dangerous for health and worse than alcohol or psychotropic drugs.”

 I completely agree with him, because I have seen them ruin mine and S’ lives. Our dear legislator points out that this succulent beast can not only cause digestive problems, but also cancer. And memory loss!

I have already lost the battle against time, with S giving most of it to momos, now I am at a potential threat of him forgetting me completely due to lost memory?

I cannot afford that.

It’s time these dumplings are dumped for good before S dumps me.

 

Sincerely
– a momos’ addict’s girlfriend.

 

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