“What’s in a wedding?” You might ask. You just go mingle about a bit, wish the lucky (or unlucky) couple a happy life, eat some food, go home and sleep. Well, as far as Indians are concerned, nothing is ever simple. And if you’re an Indian girl, life is indeed a web of prisons. So, make your life (a tiny bit) easier and read this guide on how to act at an Indian wedding.
For The Young Minds: Well, if you’re a child who is attending the wedding, here’s what you should absolutely do.
- Run around at superhuman speeds until you knock the plate out of that bald uncle’s (wearing an Armani suit) hand.
- After chasing that one bite of butter paneer across the floor, wipe your hands on your mother’s silk saree.
- Spill all the secrets about the ‘full proof’ plans of Juta- Churai the girls have made.
- Be the bride and the groom’s chaperone in every picture.
- Help the wedding planners by taking out all the decorative flowers as soon as the wedding rituals end. After all, why wait for Holi, when you can throw flowers at every wedding, right?
For The Teenagers: If you’re a teen or an adolescent being forced to attend the wedding, here’s what you should do.
- Well, here comes the moment of truth – the only reason why you were dragged along to the wedding was so that you could be the designated babysitter for the most annoying of your cousins.
- Secondly, you are supposed to put your phone on the loudest volume selection and set the weirdest tune in the world as your ringtone. Also, make sure your phone rings just when the bridegroom are about to c their love for each other.
- Also, do not, and I repeat, do not socialize. Sulk around in the corners and ensure to get it across as to how much you hate coming to weddings.
For The Oldies: Who says you can’t have fun just because you’ve seen more summers than the bride and groom? After all, as they say, age is just a number.
- Well, your first and foremost responsibility is to provide entertainment. So, drink way past your limit and then, when you’re too drunk to even know who you are, climb up onto the table and dance. It’s an extra bonus if the table breaks.
- Also, rig the seating arrangements so that you’re seated exactly next to the bride and groom. Once you’ve congratulated them, start talking about your own kids. Rain praises about your daughter and brings to the notice every task your son has ever accomplished.
Wait. What if you’re the bride or the groom? Well, as far as that is concerned, all I have to say is, ‘May Lord save you from this madness.’